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MRS WORMWOOD Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers! . With her, it's all "books" and "stories". What's wrong with you? MATILDA The dumber the act, the bigger the confession. Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten. Did I let myself go. I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. Oh, that's where it's at! Stand up and be proud! MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. Didn't we? Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. Agatha Trunchbull: [into recorder] You just need to keep your feet inside the line. Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you can! A purple spotlight starts to make its way from Bruce across the classroom. Flipping, filthy, nasty, stupid Russians! Mr. Wormwood: You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. Now, get out of here, you little stink worm! and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them. MRS WORMWOOD ], MISS HONEY NIGEL lies down on the ground. [He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]. Not the end of your nose. Narrator: Matilda? I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship. When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson! The more that you try, Fortunately, almost everything in Christianity is sin. Agatha Trunchbull: MRS PHELPS exits as a siren wails and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy. And . I've got a whole house to look after! I hate pigtails! Oh, no, it's a lovely book. Bruce! Considerably roomier inside. The less you have to show, the louder you dress it. The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen! Completely different cars, sir. MISS HONEY exits off the front of the stage. Conclusion - Best Pick Up Lines. FBI Agent Bob: . Oh, Matilda, this is very sad! AAAAAHHHHH! A contract is a contract is a contract! MISS HONEY Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. MRS WORMWOOD Okay! From now on, this family does *exactly* what I say, when exactly, when I say it! It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . . Where's his fingie? Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. You're almost finished. Oh, yeah. Of course! . Do you think I altered my intended elevation? "Patience, my love," the husband replied. [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] Who wants stories? But she is a squib. And this . Mr. Wormwood: Am I . And honestly, I was really, definitely, sort of, almost thinking about owning up. Oh my. A little less brains, a lot more hair. CHILDREN 1 You have to stay inside the circle all the time. MATILDA Loud, loud, loud, loud! Harry Wormwood: Let's leave maths for the time being . Think of the possibilities.". Oh . Now, the secret to my success in business is . LAVENDER But she was about to discover she had a strength a strength she wasn't even aware of. MRS WORMWOOD He'd call me bumblebee. She'll call a truce, Bruce. . A table with the word "Contest" emblazoned on the side is wheeled in. For being a smart aleck! To survive this mess by being a prince or a princess. MR WORMWOOD enters with a lackey, who sits on a tyre behind him. Now, get off to bed, you little bookworm. . I did *not* glue my hat to my head! Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. stream With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. NIGEL I'm not hinting, but if you did happen to have a story you wanted . It's the mileage. MISS TRUNCHBULL turns off the screens with a remote and wheels around, holding a magnifying glass. Every new life Anyone with a good sense of humor will appreciate them. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! With every swallow, you are tightening the noose. Hanging down by your ears. Jenny: Ahh! A flaming escapologist? CHILDREN and BIG KIDS run in, creating pandemonium. MISS TRUNCHBULL See you tomorrow! Two times two is four. the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-class hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. MR WORMWOOD Yes, yes. Matilda? What am I thinking? NIGEL leans forward in concentration and groans in agony several times. AAAIIGHHH! [He throws the phone to the lackey.] But although they loved each other, although they were famous and everyone loved them, they were sad. Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical. For those idiots out there who don't know how to play, here's how it goes. You gotta give yourself permission to shine. DOCTOR Sued by who? Agatha Trunchbull: Let out your belt. Harry Wormwood: [She holds her hand out to MATILDA, who takes it.] And please don't say "the gym.". When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill! I sold it for $7,839 big American boffo's. You are guilty, because you are a fiend. MISS TRUNCHBULL hurries over to AMANDA. The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. Best dirty pick-up lines 1. I'm gonna sue you, I'm gonna burn down your showroom! How sweet. 1 0 obj Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? See more ideas about pick up lines funny, pick up lines cheesy, pick up lines. There's not a lot of difference in size. Last week, I read quite a few. DOCTOR Just go up and introduce yourself. The group sets off party poppers down the line. MR WORMWOOD "Escapologist", he says! Hey, Dip face. MATILDA My mummy says I'm a miracle, [to MATILDA] You! TOMMY And if you want to teach success, This it not your problem. Being funny or clever can also help your chances of success. MRS WORMWOOD MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN "You Must Be Worried Now That Donald Trump is President Because He Would Deport You Back to Heaven." [Talking about the cake] Oh, my good Lord! [bends down] Knock on the door, Jenny. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Agatha Trunchbull: The cars will break down. Bruce! DOCTOR One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. [asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers]. PARTY ENTERTAINER Matilda, 4 Years: School is really fun, according to my mum. Matilda : You're very brave, Miss Honey. . Of course you didn't do it, you little twit. DOCTOR . . Mrs. Wormwood: He rips out several pages and throws them dramatically on the ground. You can be all cynical, %PDF-1.5 Matilda: It's . Miss Honey: Agatha Trunchbull: ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Me, me, me, me. I want to be in school. Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal. MATILDA collects the remains of her book. MR WORMWOOD [as Harry switches on Matilda's lamp] It's your father who's going to federal prison. Two BIG KIDS start climbing on the gate, flanking alphabet blocks as they are are pushed through the gate when they are mentioned in the song. A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. . Matilda! Matilda: The kind with food and teeny-weeny cockroaches. MISS HONEY, dazed, follows the dance as best she can. MRS WORMWOOD Oh, my good Lord. She's got no respect, that one. The Invisible Man . What a pleasure to see you. You Might as well be saying you think that it's okay, Or even two, Bruce, The end is happier. BIG KID [BEN] Oh, cook . Matilda: BIG KIDS It's very quaint, it's very sweet, [He sits down in a zen position.]. Eleven times two is twenty-two. An exception. Why? MRS WORMWOOD AAAHH! The novel has an inspirational message that everyone can stand up for themselves against bullies like Matilda does against Mrs. Trunchbull. You wouldn't listen. You've gotta learn to listen up, kid. Here we are, my heartstrings! ", MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage] I am off to bleach my roots . . And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry. MATILDA gazes at their dramatic display non-chalantly and holds out a palm to them. If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished. The announcer from MISS TRUNCHBULL's videos starts commentating. This clot, this foul carbuncle is none other than a disgusting criminal! Stand back, son! Matilda: MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN Am I wrong? Thirteen times two is twenty-six. MATILDA . But Harry's ranting and raving gave Matilda the key to her power. I . Agatha Trunchbull: It's a good thing I have my library. MATILDA Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal. That is v . Starring: Alisha Weir, Emma Thompson, Lashana Lynch. [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. You have to force the little squits to toe the line! NIGEL They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. If you're stuck in your story and want to get out, [after listing prices of cars bought and sold]. I can see In the world of lame pick-up lines, corny phrases, and straight-out catcalling, there's one form of getting noticed that's neither flimsy nor stupid. MISS TRUNCHBULL All grown-ups get scared, just like children. Agatha Trunchbull: Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. BIG KID [BEN] You show the little brat! Imagine what she is going to do to a horrible, squeaky little goblin like you, boy. MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]"It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. You what? MATILDA . I'm afraid I've not been too successful in getting others to recognize your . This child doesn't have a "thingie" . ALL COUPLES: What? BIG KID [BEN] [whacks the desk again with her riding crop]. The second one cost $512. She laughs. Yes, sir. . Please! Have another marshmallow, Dip face. Mrs. Harry Wormwood: Lord knows we've tried. DOCTOR MRS WORMWOOD They are good runners, sir. And I will Teach you a thing or two. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS line up again. MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! I'll tell you tomorrow. Agatha Trunchbull: You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. Very supple. Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto. She says they make me look pretty! Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! He drops it again. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. What are you looking at? Just you wait for phys-ed. . MISS HONEY Marvellous. 'Pfffft,' you think, 'what's so grand about some silly math pick-up line?' LAVENDER puts the wooden spoon back in his hand. Agatha Trunchbull: So give me more cake! Not a jot! I don't want another one. I can't abandon my children. MISS HONEY steps away from MATILDA as MISS TRUNCHBULL enters by the blackboard. [to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers] Sixteen times two is thirty-two. Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. MISS TRUNCHBULL walks heavily toward the coats. Mind? You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry! Neigh! MR WORMWOOD NIGEL [He slides down on his thighs stage left.]. Mrs. Wormwood: The alphabet? CHILDREN An unhatched tadpole. I'm fed up with all this reading! . Matilda: You know what interruptions do to my energy flow. and look at reading. Life's a ball, so learn to throw it, Connections The secret to my success is this. Matilda: "Fair" does not get you anywhere, you thickheaded twit-brain! Now, this is much harder, so don't worry if you don't get it. Agatha Trunchbull: Even time loves us.". MISS TRUNCHBULL | Share this Matilda : I love it here! Matilda: In . . And even if you put in heaps of effort, Isn't there something you can do? They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in! She didn't know. 3 0 obj Did we sell some cars today, honeydew? But even you, Bruce, Stop. COUPLE 4 Might she be a little brighter than her class? BRUCE turns around and burps for a full ten seconds. COUPLE 3 I wish my pillow was as huggable as you. Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. Listen to this: "It was the best of times. AAHHH! MATILDA holds her a dramatic pose, holding the large book above her head. My word is my law! What a dear! Matilda: Well I had to take a shower, Harry! Used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! [interrupting] Crowd! . Brand new stock, sir! If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate. You gotta be loud! A girl should think about make-up and hair dye. ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE Amanda Thripp: What are you waiting for? Miss Honey: You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. ACT 1. I'll have her for that. Some rats are gonna die today. 4. I did not! Sorry, Miss Trunchbull. Harry Wormwood: Zinnia Wormwood: Is a miracle! Babies! MRS WORMWOOD MR WORMWOOD If you are having fun, you are not learning. But it's a truth empirical. Just knock on the door. Matilda: One look at my face and it's plain to see. . [to Michael] And people would come from miles around: kings! . Maybe you used some of mummy's peroxide by mistake. "Hi, My Name Is [insert name]." I'd say this one is the number one pick-up line of all time. Harry Wormwood: That's right, sir. I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. MISS TRUNCHBULL Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids] Not a dot did I stray from the plot. [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]. I'm in the zone, doll! But the thing was, I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. AMANDA stands up and screams in triumph. She seems not to know that she's special at all. BRUCE I don't want any, thank you. 2. Leave it alone, Jenny. Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, "Come with me, and I'll show you why it's called the Shrieking Shack.". I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. Is she here? <> The chances of existence almost infinitely small. Harry Wormwood: How do you do this? MISS HONEY hurries to pull the cap from NIGEL's mouth. Stand out from the crowd! MAN: Have you seen his school report? Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. How can you be sure unless you have another PIECE? . MR WORMWOODOh, this is thick! Harry Wormwood: . And I say that criminals like you are not full until you have eaten the entire cake. MRS WORMWOOD MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. LAVENDER [hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda] MISS HONEY Stood! What is this trash you're reading? "tomato"? You're better off raising tomatoes. A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom! 3. Agatha Trunchbull: Her mind is incredible. BIG KIDS <>>> What about me, then? I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. Overall, the best pickup line is one that is creative and original. Past Matilda. Ah-ah-aah-ah. . The DOCTOR and the CHILDREN sing into their stethoscopes. Harry Wormwood: MISS TRUNCHBULL Well? Could I speak to you for a moment, please? Mustn't let a little thing like "little" stop you. What on earth did you do that for? Bruce Bogtrotter: Make him stop! Zinnia Wormwood: And you may sit and read while I teach the others, and, well, if you have any questions, I shall do my best to answer them. Zinnia Wormwood: Great, big, question-asking . The cook enters, holding an enormous chocolate cake on a tray, along with a wooden spoon. And sailed high up, up above the stands I like a joke as well as the next fat person! Calculate this! 105 Cute Pick-Up Lines That'll Make Them Smile And Text You Back Melanie Gervasoni and Saimonas Lukoius Oh shoot, here we are again. Matilda: [Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull] Opening lines from children's books to capture new readers, to inspire writers, to reminisce with old favourites. She opens a book. The subsequent fall was inevitable. Yes! Yes! My mummy says I'm a miracle. [throws carrot from the spoon. My daddy says I'm his special little guy! . What is this, a hot tub party? A poem? There's nothing to fear. 7. MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage] MATILDA's brother, MICHAEL, lies lazily on a recliner. For this newt you pin-worm! What's this? (Bruce!) Hmm. Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! She's going to be your teacher. Harry Wormwood: MISS TRUNCHBULL For this newt, you piss-worm! Are they good runners? Now EAT IT! [Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it]. Do I allow pigs in my school? Let alone getting the conversation going! This is Rudolpho! She hates it when I go out. [to MICHAEL] Get up, boy. Yes, Miss Trunchbull. I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids! You've made an awful error. One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days. . MISS HONEY Psst! Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. [She throws the baton across the stage, does a jet to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.] 101 Weird & Best Pick Up Lines For Girls (Make Them Laugh!) He did what you asked. No one like a smart-mouthed girl like me. It's just pathetic! Why? And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. [TV Version] . [She flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent's bathroom, which has risen from the stage. Only when they deserved it, of course. ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Go on, then! LAVENDER Just write. I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, I'm not guilty! This one was mine. MATILDA said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. She then sniffs her way across the room, following the former path of the spotlight. Corny, sweet, and funny all in one. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN RUDOLPHO But time is the one thing no one is master of. I love my school it isn't fair! Right. Now, look. Don't be pathetic! in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! They will probably say: "Yuck!" 3. Let me tell you something, son. Tricks!" How can I make up my own pickup line? Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! You are going to march in there and give them a piece of your mind. Do you need a sin for your next confession? He screams and turns around, hitting ERIC's cap against ERIC's desk. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Mr. Wormwood: and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them. Semi-Spanish gown And I'm very sorry . Sing, children. RUDOLPHO saunters over and holds his arm out to MISS HONEY. Did you see all those packages outside? . Finally, he grabs an individual page in glee. He surely can't! I didn't do anything! She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. MRS WORMWOOD exits. It's the Trunchbull's speciality. If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already. endobj So go and put some highlights in your hair. Oil of Violets hair tonic for men. Even if you're little, you can do a lot. (Bruce!) AAAAAAAHHHH! Do you ever lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed-up things in the world? MATILDA collects two dolls from the house. See you next week. [She underlines the sentence on the board.]. And Jenny's outside. The less you have to say, the louder you yell it. Agatha Trunchbull: No! What did you think? It was the worst of times. Yes. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. What am doing here? The entire assembly will stay five hours after school and copy from the dictionary! I don't know what you're talking about. MICHAEL sits on his lap. . Trunchbull: Trunchbull: And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! "It is called," said the husband, announcing the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath [The voice of the ESCAPOLOGIST echoes her words.] You can read words. MR WORMWOOD It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Narrator: You've not got the spine. This is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen. What've you done with his fingie? Crime and Punishment . It's the female minor. Zinnia Wormwood: He's a small, ratty man, with luscious black hair. MISS HONEY Why? I will not say anymore! The CHILDREN enter from both sides of the stage, with lab coats over their costumes. It is, is it? Lavender? So, erm . A really strong stomach. [insulted] | MRS PHELPS MATILDA Mr. Wormwood: And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world. Have to admit Matilda: Agatha Trunchbull: You will soon see there's no escaping tragedy. And I never understood you, not one little bit Who's got a pen? [They start chattering. In this classroom, in this school, I am god! Matilda Quotes Showing 1-30 of 112 "So Matilda's strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. There's more the second part. A spotlight searches the theater. I want you around here now with another car! MRS WORMWOOD walks back behind the curtain.